In this time of insecurity and fear, polarisation is on the rise. We have so many options in what we look at and listen to and the truth seems to be a very different thing for my neighbours than it is for me.
We see the other as different, as separated from ourselves. And we believe that if some else has more, it means we have less. Inequality and polarisation are rising, we are becoming more digitally connected but our worlds seem less connected by the day. The world seems to be falling apart and we look for anything to hold on too. We are for or against, we are believers or non believers. We used to be pretty save, now we are not. The world is changing. We got thrown into that change and we did not ask for it. Our story of what the world is like, is under pressure.
We look for stories to explain the things we do not understand and to give meaning to what we feel, hear and see. We use story to influence others. And we use stories to feel connected. (more about the way we can use stories can be found here, Mary Alice Arthur wrote this wonderful series )
Since most of our storytelling is done on Social media our stories need to be fast and simple to generate other people’s attention. We tend to move quickly from facts to an opinion. Our judgement is fast. Sometimes it seems we share stories only to desperately be heard. To have the feeling we matter somehow. We take no time, no space to to ask questions. No time to ask deep and good questions. We do not stop and listen. We race past the most important thing. Our experiences. We have an experience and nobody takes the time to ask: what did you experience? What is it like to be you? What is your story?
I have started to work with groups & sharing stories a long time ago. I used to organise events with speakers. I was always amazed by how sharing stories can touch an audience. How a story can change the energy in a room.
I started to work with campfires and circles about a year ago. I make a fire and invite people share the story about their experience based on a guiding question. After doing them for a while now, this is what I know: Sharing stories and listening without interference fills us. It fills us with the feeling of connection and compassion. It heals.
Research shows that stories create changes in our neurochemistry. Listening to stories makes the brain release dopamine, and when the plot thickens, cortisol. It also makes the brain release oxytocin, the hormone responsible for the feeling of belonging and community. It is powerful to share, make, and tell stories. And in it lies the potential of great change. In transformation processes it is the way you create the liminal space that allows you to release the stories you carry with you and makes you able to integrate new ones. ( In this article I wrote about the stages of transformation and how they work. Story is one of them.)
As for me: It seems that even my shopping needs diminish. I spend less time on social media. It seems I need less stuff and less distraction if I have more stories. It opens me, hearing all of the beautiful stories about life and how it can be lived from all the people that come to my evenings and share. In every story there is a part of my own story. Every person is a reflection of myself. It helps to shake off my feeling of separation. It helps to shake off the story of the world being a bad place and all people are after something. It helps me to see that next to the ugly stories we watch every day on the news there’s also beauty and compassion. Instead of only trying to be different and unique, I feel we are the same. And it brings me to the essence what it means to be human. Being human is done together with others.
It feels like this is becoming more and more important. We need to share our experiences. We need to make the safe spaces where people can come te be heard and to practise listening to others. We need to relearn what we as humans did for ages. We have to get past the facts and the opinions. Only then we can see the other as ourselves. Only then we expand our compassion. In sharing our experiences we can see and create our shared reality. If we share our stories about the world, we can find each other and create new and better stories for our future. We really need new ones.
I facilitate story sharing circles, I create rituals and transformation processes.
I do this with my company Sacred time that I started in the fall of 2019.
I live in Groningen, the Netherlands with my husband and my six year old son.